Category Archives: poetry

Song of innocence and love ll

i ask my heart if he is deserving this

He is silent, in pain

I ask my brain to stop thinking, 

And he wont listen

I ask myself why

Why all this, again once more.

And there is no shame 

No regret

But all is pain and sadness

All is vain

And there is just big emptiness 

I found myself sitting in the center 

Alone

Thiughtful

Trying to understand myself

Trying to understand my heart

But he is busy with its own pain

Im trying to understand my brain

But he is busy too

What is left is my soul experiencing divine feelings 

And feels lucky 

Sad

Alone

everything is ok

7 months with her,

then she got pregnant,

and hated me,

which i never understand why,

lack of love

i thought,

is the only answer for me to forget her,

but

not easy,

and my friend jack,

who i went to same uni,

same class,

did art together,

and smoked..

is now going to be a dad

in couple of hours,

the woman i was with

without thinking,

without speaking,

without hearing,

listening to me,

made her mind,

and had an operation,

now I’m at jacks,

he is in the hospital,

I’m drinking,

and waiting for death,

as usual,

he is waiting for the new life

to arrive..

and as i write this,

i remember the days

when we use to tell each other,

“man, one day we both going to have kids,

and you are going to be uncle jack”

and we use to laugh and move on,

now its happening,

father jack,

with her baby daughter,

and i am, thinking of the woman,

and my baby,

that I’m never going to hold,

lets drink more wine.

in wine there is wisdom

sitting in this small room,

full of canvases,

same facing me some facing to a wall

and cheap bottle of red wine,

in my hand,

drinking again,

trying to find a soul again,

in wine,

in wisdom,

writing poetry again,

because there is nothing to do,

there is no one to talk,

and the ones who is around,

are too sane

that they seem insane,

caring about money and nothing else,

working 12 hours and coming home

and having a cup of tea before bed,

how can they understand my

suffering caused by unable to create,

they dont create,

they are machine like creatures

who came to life by

accident..

and there is no meaning for them,

but money,

earn enough amount to live

and be happy.

im a human being,

im here to create,

and leave something that is mine,

poetry or painting,

i know though,

that they dont go together,

thats why i dont write when i paint,

and i write,

when painting is tired it self.

 

One Day

there will be a woman one day
who will walk into your life suddenly
and she will sit in front of you,
and you will look at each other,
more than the words that will come out from your mouth,
she will listen,
you will listen to her,
and pay attention,
you will pay attention to everything about her,
she will be happy,
just a little,
then,
one day,
if you dont return back to your own shell,
she will be full,
of your reality
dont forget,
she is you,
but the opposite in a way,
dont forget,
she is not from here,
but from you.
just living in your life,
only when you are there,
and when you are not,
she is in her life,
doing her job
if you want to keep her,
i say, love
dive deep,
but
know to be a friends,
because she is not you.
you can only fight with yourself.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

if you want to be a poet, love a woman

if you want to be a poet, then love,

love a women,

like nothing else,

dive into her,

from her eyes to her soul,

touch her like your touching yourself, in a different form,

kiss her like you’re kissing god,

fear with love,

if you want to be a poet,

kill yourself while loving

and live in a details of life,

small parts,

be aware of her,

everything she says and does,

put her actions in your brain,

observe her while sleeping,

cook for her, and watch her eating,

cry with her while watching a movie,

jump in a shower with her,

and kiss her body,

wake up before her, just to watch her sleeping,

then fall back to sleep,

try opening your eyes at the same time with her,

just for that moment,

for that second,

then close again at the same time with her,

cuddle her,

when you argue,

go to her house, and wait in front of her door,

or go to her work place and wait for her,

at least 2 hours,

let her see you, and be shocked,

let her friends see you,

waiting outside,

be an idiot,

why are you scared ?

if you want to be a poet,

create experiences,

and write about them at nights,

alone

while drinking

and smoking,

while she sleeps in your heart,

be a poet.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

Into 2014

  • sara

    are you there

    Sara

    baby

    im sure you will see this in the morning,

    if you are sleeping now,

    and im sure

    you are not starting work at 10 tomorrow

    or even maybe you are off,

    im not sure,

    i want to meet you

    at our cafe

    we gotta have to

    im sure you will wake up max around 11

    and i will be there around 12 waiting for you.

     i love you so much

  • more than anything else

    you are mine

    and you will be mine

    for ever

    and the forever is

    is the day when we both die

    god damn it,

    we been stupid

    both of us,

    you are mine, and im yours

    i will not give up on you

    how can i

    how can i be without you

    how can i be without your smell

    and your touch

    how can i survive

    without hearing your voice

    how can i stop

    when you are me and i am you

    how can this heart beat without your heart beating next to it

    our strength is our want

    and we both want

    wanting to carry on,

    with all our pain and happiness and laughter

    2014 is not much but just a new beginning into growing together

     

     

    Ardic Agus 2014

Question

what is it baby that you always wanted but couldn’t get it out of me,

why?

was i not enough to you?

what is enough ?

you dont even know,

like everything else,

so why go ?

without knowing,

so why sadness,

without wanting,

think about it,

think about the laughters

and the tears we had together,

always together,

always at the same time,

in that moment,

always with our hearts,

and some more,

and the touches,

and the way we both

hold and grabbed our faces,

while laughing,

looking into each others eyes,

and kissed,

for many times,

on and on,

for long.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

In my heart

many people visited my heart,

some stayed for few weeks

and some for few months,

some quickly went because they didn’t like it,

the last visitor of my heart, has locked her self in

accidentally,

without wanting to,

but she did,

and the doors of my heart will not open again,

forever,

and something from her will always stay in there,

until this heart gets old and becomes a clay again

then she will be free,

but she will never be able to forget her place,

this heart,

where she lived,

not for too long,

but alone.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

Heart of a woman

i see hearts as a hotel rooms,

the more expensive the room,

the less people come and stay,

the cheap the room is,

the more people

stays in,

cheap hearts are

nothing but full of experience,

in a way good,

but not pure,

not pure anymore,

the heart,

the smell of the room,

the space is dark and messy,

there are names scratched to walls,

by forced,

i need a woman, with a pure heart,

untouched,

unhunted,

undisturbed much.

Ardic Agus 2014