Tag Archives: Fear

in wine there is wisdom

sitting in this small room,

full of canvases,

same facing me some facing to a wall

and cheap bottle of red wine,

in my hand,

drinking again,

trying to find a soul again,

in wine,

in wisdom,

writing poetry again,

because there is nothing to do,

there is no one to talk,

and the ones who is around,

are too sane

that they seem insane,

caring about money and nothing else,

working 12 hours and coming home

and having a cup of tea before bed,

how can they understand my

suffering caused by unable to create,

they dont create,

they are machine like creatures

who came to life by

accident..

and there is no meaning for them,

but money,

earn enough amount to live

and be happy.

im a human being,

im here to create,

and leave something that is mine,

poetry or painting,

i know though,

that they dont go together,

thats why i dont write when i paint,

and i write,

when painting is tired it self.

 

wise enough to ignore love ( stupid enough to experience it )

I was in bed with her,

fucking her around 1 am,

and she seemed dead

she seemed so dead that i came pretty quickly,

and she turned her back,

and looked for her phone,

i lied down on my back,

smoking,

thinking nothing,

and she started to play with her damn phone,

i lift my head up to see what she was doing,

in my bed,

with her phone,

and she was with lion

in my bed,

texting him and sending her pictures,

and a broken heart,

she was in my bed,

but she was with someone else,

her mind was with him,

i felt sick

and promised myself to never

fall in love again..

just like her..

One Day

there will be a woman one day
who will walk into your life suddenly
and she will sit in front of you,
and you will look at each other,
more than the words that will come out from your mouth,
she will listen,
you will listen to her,
and pay attention,
you will pay attention to everything about her,
she will be happy,
just a little,
then,
one day,
if you dont return back to your own shell,
she will be full,
of your reality
dont forget,
she is you,
but the opposite in a way,
dont forget,
she is not from here,
but from you.
just living in your life,
only when you are there,
and when you are not,
she is in her life,
doing her job
if you want to keep her,
i say, love
dive deep,
but
know to be a friends,
because she is not you.
you can only fight with yourself.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

Into 2014

  • sara

    are you there

    Sara

    baby

    im sure you will see this in the morning,

    if you are sleeping now,

    and im sure

    you are not starting work at 10 tomorrow

    or even maybe you are off,

    im not sure,

    i want to meet you

    at our cafe

    we gotta have to

    im sure you will wake up max around 11

    and i will be there around 12 waiting for you.

     i love you so much

  • more than anything else

    you are mine

    and you will be mine

    for ever

    and the forever is

    is the day when we both die

    god damn it,

    we been stupid

    both of us,

    you are mine, and im yours

    i will not give up on you

    how can i

    how can i be without you

    how can i be without your smell

    and your touch

    how can i survive

    without hearing your voice

    how can i stop

    when you are me and i am you

    how can this heart beat without your heart beating next to it

    our strength is our want

    and we both want

    wanting to carry on,

    with all our pain and happiness and laughter

    2014 is not much but just a new beginning into growing together

     

     

    Ardic Agus 2014

Question

what is it baby that you always wanted but couldn’t get it out of me,

why?

was i not enough to you?

what is enough ?

you dont even know,

like everything else,

so why go ?

without knowing,

so why sadness,

without wanting,

think about it,

think about the laughters

and the tears we had together,

always together,

always at the same time,

in that moment,

always with our hearts,

and some more,

and the touches,

and the way we both

hold and grabbed our faces,

while laughing,

looking into each others eyes,

and kissed,

for many times,

on and on,

for long.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

In my heart

many people visited my heart,

some stayed for few weeks

and some for few months,

some quickly went because they didn’t like it,

the last visitor of my heart, has locked her self in

accidentally,

without wanting to,

but she did,

and the doors of my heart will not open again,

forever,

and something from her will always stay in there,

until this heart gets old and becomes a clay again

then she will be free,

but she will never be able to forget her place,

this heart,

where she lived,

not for too long,

but alone.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

Not completely

fear,

she has no fear

towards me,

i dont know,

does she has to have some fear?

yes.

no.

time to time,

she is sleeping now,

am i in her mind ?

yes

maybe ?

no,

wake up,

she needs to wake up

now,

and scream,

laud

why ?

because im not in her mind,

how can i not be in her mind,

at nights,

when its cold outside,

how can she be in my heart

and in my mind,

during sleep,

while awake

and alive,

how can i die,

while shes alive,

when im going to die ?

not at all,

im immortal,

i have to be immortal,

to her,

for ever,

but no,

i must die,

in her heart,

and

leave some memories

and some sane

and insane poems,

full of love,

dedicated to her,

but no!

not to her,

but her love,

and when she has no love for me

if she has no love for me,

any time in the future,

these words must be meaningless,

to her,

but not to any other,

no,

her love will never end,

i am immortal,

to her,

to her heart,

to her brain,

i live there,

in a small room in her heart,

and sometimes i climb up

to her brain,

and wonder inside,

then i get bored,

i go down back to her heart,

its warm

and secure,

yes,

its nice in there

to live and breath in there,

love,

i must vomit love

i must cry love,

i must breed love

her

inside my soul,

will be forever

 

Ardic Agus

Fearless fear

I didn’t allowed life to beat me over,

life beat my father,

my friends and the other people around,

but not me,

im in my 20’s

and i’ve already had a heart attack

and that even changed me,

now i drink more than ever

and waiting for death

that will jump on me one day

and that day is soon,

like tomorrow,

though time does not exists in my life,

so i dont know when the misses will arrive

misses death is the answer

for me

in order to find the truth,

I drink and write,

i sometime drink alot

and write,

and sometimes i cant write,

this is form of suicide

but its the best way,

and the most joyful

i live more than ever,

full of fear,

but i live my fear

like no other,

i must have some guts,

having no fear against death

will make my life longer,

im not sure,

but i think so..

 

 

© 2013 Ardic Agus