One Day

there will be a woman one day
who will walk into your life suddenly
and she will sit in front of you,
and you will look at each other,
more than the words that will come out from your mouth,
she will listen,
you will listen to her,
and pay attention,
you will pay attention to everything about her,
she will be happy,
just a little,
then,
one day,
if you dont return back to your own shell,
she will be full,
of your reality
dont forget,
she is you,
but the opposite in a way,
dont forget,
she is not from here,
but from you.
just living in your life,
only when you are there,
and when you are not,
she is in her life,
doing her job
if you want to keep her,
i say, love
dive deep,
but
know to be a friends,
because she is not you.
you can only fight with yourself.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

If you forget me

5:20 am
On my way to work,
I told you
Its hard, 
Harder without you.
When all those memories of us
Of you,
plays in my mind,  on repeat
And I watch them
Looking empty into distance
The night is cold
And the sky is stary
People tired
Some are dead
Like you’re lies
That I listened
With a broken joy
And you,
Changing your mind
Like this weather of Britain
Hourly
I know its not funny
Though it is funny
How you never observed yourself
But watched and recorded
My bad side s
Into your brain
And always told me that I dont understand you
I do
I do
But do you? 
6 months of laughters and tears
A battle
Drunkeness
Love,
In bed outside bed
And me cooking for you
And watch you gaining weight
Little by little
And kiss you
Day and night
I know you love me
Because I know you
But if stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
But
If you think about me
At nights when you put your head on your pillow
If you feel like texting me,
And knowing of im still alive
And if you regret the way you walked out of my life again
Dont worry
Im different now
And these are the last thoughts of you

Ardic AGUS 2014

All the love of me goes out to her

All the love of me goes out to her,

to her fingers,

to her hair,

that ones i touched,

and to her eyes, where i watched myself,

in a dark brown place,

goes out to roads

where we have walked together

hand to hand,

sometimes laughing,

sometimes being quite,

and sometimes arguing

but always ending with love,

and thats how our love grew bigger and bigger,

because we always managed to stay together,

and kissed each other

sometimes for hours,

the world was still going,

but i didn’t bothered us

but now it has me by the throat

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

I will not fall again

Into 2014

• sara

  are you there

  Sara

  baby

  im sure you will see this in the morning,

  if you are sleeping now,

  and im sure

  you are not starting work at 10 tomorrow

  or even maybe you are off,

  im not sure,

  i want to meet you

  at our cafe

  we gotta have to

  im sure you will wake up max around 11

  and i will be there around 12 waiting for you.

   i love you so much

• more than anything else

  you are mine

  and you will be mine

  for ever

  and the forever is

  is the day when we both die

  god damn it,

  we been stupid

  both of us,

  you are mine, and im yours

  i will not give up on you

  how can i

  how can i be without you

  how can i be without your smell

  and your touch

  how can i survive

  without hearing your voice

  how can i stop

  when you are me and i am you

  how can this heart beat without your heart beating next to it

  our strength is our want

  and we both want

  wanting to carry on,

  with all our pain and happiness and laughter

  2014 is not much but just a new beginning into growing together

   

   

  Ardic Agus 2014

Question

what is it baby that you always wanted but couldn’t get it out of me,

why?

was i not enough to you?

what is enough ?

you dont even know,

like everything else,

so why go ?

without knowing,

so why sadness,

without wanting,

think about it,

think about the laughters

and the tears we had together,

always together,

always at the same time,

in that moment,

always with our hearts,

and some more,

and the touches,

and the way we both

hold and grabbed our faces,

while laughing,

looking into each others eyes,

and kissed,

for many times,

on and on,

for long.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

In my heart

many people visited my heart,

some stayed for few weeks

and some for few months,

some quickly went because they didn’t like it,

the last visitor of my heart, has locked her self in

accidentally,

without wanting to,

but she did,

and the doors of my heart will not open again,

forever,

and something from her will always stay in there,

until this heart gets old and becomes a clay again

then she will be free,

but she will never be able to forget her place,

this heart,

where she lived,

not for too long,

but alone.

 

Ardic Agus 2014

 

Heart of a woman

i see hearts as a hotel rooms,

the more expensive the room,

the less people come and stay,

the cheap the room is,

the more people

stays in,

cheap hearts are

nothing but full of experience,

in a way good,

but not pure,

not pure anymore,

the heart,

the smell of the room,

the space is dark and messy,

there are names scratched to walls,

by forced,

i need a woman, with a pure heart,

untouched,

unhunted,

undisturbed much.

Ardic Agus 2014

Tonight

the night is cold,

like her heart,

far away from me,

tonight,

tonight the night is darker than ever,

and lonelier tonight

everyone

more than ever,

though her heart is the loneliest,

tonight,

i can drink

and write the saddest lines,

i can drink more than ever,

because tonight im not alone,

here in this house,

there is her, here in my heart,

and my sadness, sitting next to me ,

and the memories are inside me,

inside my skull,

and some are in my heart,

trying to stop its beating,

unlucky that little poor heart,

it wont stop beating for little more,

im tough,

im tough

but there is some weakness in there too,

and that weakness is weaker than ever,

tonight

tonight

tonight.

 

 

Ardic Agus 2013

19:35

I do not understand people,

how can they be so empty?

how can they find happiness,

by going to a concert,

or

watching a movie,

or reading an interview of their favorite celebrity,

i guess they were born that way,

not having an urge to create,

not giving a birth to something, that belongs to you,

is terrifying,

im scared,

im sick,

im full of fear,

writing saved me from myself,

and love

and her,

breaks my bones,

and i laugh

with some tears

coming from my heart

 

Ardic Agus 2013