9:20 pm poem

In this life of nothingness
There are dark things like boredom
When you don’t do nothing for a half a year, you see clearer
There is no meaning but seeking,
I found this and painting
If I didn’t write
And if I didn’t paint
I wouldn’t be sitting here and writing this
Death and insanity are chasing me
Perhaps death and insanity were chasing me from the beginning
Though I wasn’t aware
There is nothing but my art
And it is the only god that can save me

Life is a hospital

After breaking up with serina, the woman i loved insanely and I guess scared a little though she knew everything,
About the love I had for her and realised how serious it was, she went
And another arrived, out of nowhere, without invitation.
She was 6 years older than me, experiencing the most beautiful age. 28. She looked very young, pretty, around 5.6 tall, slim and had a good figure.
One day she invited me to her house to drink and have chat, she was living alone, in a small studio flat, with one cat, a pussy. I like cats but her cat was annoying, she was an absolute bitch, I mean the cat
Anyhow, we started to drink, it was white wine, 9pm
She drank out of loneliness, she wanted time to pass quicker, she didn’t knew how to drink. It didn’t matter,
After 5 6 glass of wine she got drunk, and never stopped talking,
“I know that I am beautiful, and there is none who wouldn’t go to bed with me” she said
I laughed inside, it was fun
I didn’t show it though,
“Why is that?” I asked
She started to play with her hair as she carried on talking,
She looked at the mirror laughed at herself
“Can’t you see this beauty, thank god I’m beautiful, everyone, every man would go to bed with me”
“How do you know this?” I said
“I’m sure there are many man out there who wouldn’t”
“I won’t”
She stared at me, strongly for few seconds and I stared back at her, I didn’t moved my eyes away from her eyes, I had courage, because I meant what I said,
She then looked away and
“But most men would and it happens, my closest male friends did, it was upsetting”
I didn’t said anything and went for a piss,
When I came back I realised my glass was full again and asked did you fill it again, she said yes,
I needed alcohol it was good, she didn’t know how to drink and it was ok for her to finish 3 litres of wine
And when you don’t know how to drink
You never realise the beauty of getting drunk you usually get drunk and always say that you are not drunk, which is a sign of weakness. As we drunk our wines we talked and she kept pushing me to fuck her, or she tried winning something, that didn’t matter to me,
So I decided to fuck her on that first night of meeting. It was a chance that gods had offered me, to soften my life, to remind me of life back again, which was full of surprises, bad and good ones. We kept drinking and she talked less but her stares got much longer, sometimes she didn’t said anything and looked right in my eye for almost minute and half, her eyes talked more they didn’t said anything but meant a lot, and she knew how to act when you Were fully aware of your own self, she was 28 years old woman. It felt much better to chill with a woman who was much older than you are, she didn’t had anything to loose.
We both got drunk, but I wasn’t sure if I should tried anything or not, i didn’t wanted to show any confusion,
I decided not to do anything,
She decided to play and push
More and more
And I accepted this, eventually I was going to fuck her because her game that she played could turn into a serious act and it all depended on me,
I stayed calm and changed all the rules, slowly
I knew my stupidity too at this point.
Another half hour passed and everything remained the same about her,
Her eyes,
Long stares,
Less talking,
I went for a piss, came back and smoked a cigarette, she didn’t smoked at all but asked for few tokes,
I passed it to her, she didn’t picked up and smoked it from my hand,
One toke,
Without inhaling it properly,
I smoked the rest and put it away,
Looked at her and kissed her, she kissed back,
I slowly went on her while still kissing, it went on for a minute or two,
“What are you doing?” She said,
” what is this”
“I’m kissing you”
She stopped me
I stopped
I guess she won
And made me realise my stupidity,
I felt stupid,
I apologised, and sat still,
Nothing was changed for her,
She felt better and much in control,
We kept drinking more,
And finished the whole 3 litres of wine,
Then she wanted herself, everything.
I wanted it too.
We went in bed,
2 months has passed since than and she comes around mine, cooks
Washes my clothes,
Cleans my house,
Buys my alcohol while she’s over,
And I fuck her, still.

To whom it may concern

To whom it may concern: it is a different day in July and I am lying down on this sofa, thinking nothing,
Doing nothing but waiting, simply waiting, nothing
If I were waiting for something than it means I am doing something, but I seek nothing, wait nothing and do nothing, my brain composes everything, day by day, all the roles and stories are shaping up as soon as I open my eyes In the morning, once I had a god, now it’s just myself left
Thoughts and drifting.
I wait for my chance, and inspiration within
And as soon as I catch her, I’ll rape her
And have kids.
And the gods will be delighted

The boss

He woke up around 12am, stayed in bed for an hour thinking of the next thing, singularity.
It was around 1.37 pm he went into the kitchen and got a peanut butter and 3 pieces of bread, he liked peanut butter, at least he looked like,
He ate the 3 pieces of bread, drunk a water and there was nothing else to do.
He went back to bed and stayed in for few more hours, listened to music. He didn’t had no money, he didn’t had any cigarettes left too, which really stressed him out, around 8 o clock he got ready and went to his new job that he will start 2 days later, he just went there to see it, watch it a little bit and meet the people there, it was a waitering job, he stayed in there for 2 hours helping out the people and so on, than he realised that he was starting on Monday,
He went next to his boss and said, ” well I’m going now, I’ll see you on Monday”
“Why aren’t you staying and helping out, don’t you see it’s busy here” said the owner of the restaurant
“I did stay for 2 hours and I’m starting on Monday it’s enough”
“Ok, go home come on Monday”
He went home, brought a single cigarette for 50p
It was his last money in his pocket, he got home and sat down got himself a coffee and smoked it, it felt nice.
His phone rang and it was the owner of the restaurant,
“Find yourself a another job, you are not the right person for here”
He laughed and put the phone down on his face, there was a mirror in the room where he could see himself from where he was sitting,
He looked at himself smiled,
And felt bad.

July 2nd

Every man is a fault of unable to be himself
And their ignorance is soft,
They can’t break it,
Every word is money
Meaningless but essential
Every act is a copy and without want
Habits of unknown
Every fight is for yourself
And with yourself
Every lie is your owns
Every tear is a fault of wisdom
Fruit of existing
Every loser is wiser
Than before
And there is no winner
Every woman is like an Hollywood actress
But they acting is reality
Every woman is the tester of men
And some men learns a little
And some don’t
It is better to not to learn
Once you understand the teachings
Darkness has more little but
More brighter light
But the days are better than the night,
And this poem finds it hard to end
It is dark
And cold outside
It’s the July the 2nd